i'm so tired.really.tired of hiding behind the mask all the time,having to pretend everything's all right at home.yet it's so draining to find that.maybe there was really no mask at all because i don't feel anything anymore.
nothing lasts forever.
where did i go wrong?all my life,you guys taught me to be this,to be that.yet you never told me where i went right,only where i went wrong.i was left there,not knowing whether i did the right thing,waiting for your judgement.and when i held my breath to see whether you guys would be proud of my for the achievements i got,the best i ever received was a grunt.and a warning not to be arrogant and cocky and proud.i could never be proud of myself.even if i was,deep inside,i felt it would never warrant anything from you.never.
i'm sorry i can't be perfect.
yet.i really wonder.sometimes.what is the definition of perfect.why people strive so hard to achieve that.why whatever they've got,doesn't seem enough for them.why it's never enough for me,why it's never enough for you.once again,i have to ask.where did i ever go wrong?i always did better than them.you didn't want me to be so moody,i stopped being moody.i hid everything behind a mask,till it became permanent.it still wasn't enough.
when's it ever going to stop?
i wish you'd tell me one day.just once.that you were proud of me.
or am i really just thinking too highly of myself?
